I think you have an excellent story for the personal narrative but you need to improve on the sensory details and you must use the check the grammar and spelling mistake.
You really improved from the original story. Good Job! How about trying to add some more details. How about some similes and metaphors. What did it feel like to throw the cake?
You have use a right tense in your story. You need to add more word that are interesting. i like the sentence that purpose is the key of success
ReplyDeleteI think you have a execellent on the personal narrative and I think you need to improve on sensory details.
ReplyDelete-By Daily
my comment look like daily you need to improve more sensory detail, but it good anyway good try.
ReplyDeleteI think you have an excellent story for the personal narrative but you need to improve on the sensory details and you must use the check the grammar and spelling mistake.
ReplyDeleteYou really improved from the original story. Good Job! How about trying to add some more details. How about some similes and metaphors. What did it feel like to throw the cake?
ReplyDelete